Trouble in Galaxy Alpha!
Lore unfriendly fan-fiction by MaxWar
A Journey begins.
On this day our society begins it's expansion. Earth have shared the schematics for a useful Hyperdrive engine, which has been outfitted on a new colony ship, which waits for launch. We will take this ship to expand and....
Eh... wait a minute.
Sorry that was the other story. In fact, things happened a bit differently in this one. It all started when Admiral D.L. Bradley and his thugs got stuck in a pocket dimension. Talk about an embarrassing predicament. But Bradley, being the resourceful bastard that he is, managed to steal some highly advanced precursor technology during his years roaming the pocket dimension. History does not say exactly how he got ahold of all this nifty hardware but honestly... its probably better that way.
After he was done with a few "business" in the pocket dimension, Bradley finally decided it was time to return back to the regular dimension so he could crush his old enemies from back then using his shiny new toys. Well, things did not go exactly according to plan. But that was to be expected right?
Welcome to Galaxy ALPHA!
*CRASH BOOM BURNS*
<D.L Bradley> Damnit! That was quite the rough landing, dimensional travel is more turbulent than I remembered. Subordinate Johnson! Give me a full report Immediately!
<Johnson> Admiral, I just took a look at the computer reports and I have 3 bad news and 3 good news.
<D.L Bradley>Well, try alternating them, that makes me less likely to kill you than If I hear all the bad news in a row.
<Johnson> First good news: WE ARE ALIVE!!!!
<D.L Bradley> Don't be a smartass Johnson, I can very well see that myself, now get on with it.
<Johnson> First bad news: Our mother ship is completely ruined.
<Johnson> It appears we miscalculated the wormhole opening window and got in a bit late. As a result the portal closed before the ship was fully out and it got cut in half at the mid section. Only the front section made it through.
<D.L Bradley> AAARGH!!!
<D.L Bradley> Someone will pay for this! I want the responsible brought here and executed immediately, GUARDS!!
<Johnson> That wont be possible admiral, the responsible is in the other part of the ship, which is still in the alternate dimension, or utterly destroyed, we may never know.
<D.L Bradley> Ok what about a good news now?
<Johnson> Second good news: Our surviving part of the ship actually crashed on Earth without killing us all! Talk about luck admiral, our statistical calculations indicate that this had roughly 1 chance on infinite to happen.
<D.L Bradley> Yeah that is not too bad. All might not be lost. But wait, earth? Wasn't earth shielded and besieged by all our enemies? We should never have made it through to the surface! What the hell happened during our absence?
<Johnson> That brings me to the, hmmm, second bad news: It appears we are not exactly in the regular dimension.
<D.L Bradley> Aaargh! Not another alternate dimension! I am tired of alternate dimensions damnit! Won't we ever be able to get into a proper dimension ever again?!!
<Johnson> To be more precise, this is kind of like our regular dimension, only not. Our best estimate is that we appeared in the Alpha version of the universe, so things might be weird a little out there.
<D.L Bradley> I hate alternate dimensions... Now please give me a good news I am very depressed right now.
<Johnson> Ahh yes, the third good news. You will like it admiral. It appears that the inhabitants of Alpha Earth are somewhat retarded and less technologically advanced than us. As a result we were able to Quickly enslave the whole planet and we now have the entire industrial production of the planet at our disposal!
<D.L Bradley> Ah! Splendid, that sounds like a good opportunity to rewrite history D.L Bradley Style, Mwahahahaha!
<Johnson> Yes, we wasted no time and put to production a new mothership, It is far less technologically advanced than our ill fated precursor ship, but the sooner we scout around, the sooner we will be enslaving this universe.
Here it is!!
the U.S.S BugFinder , on a 5 years mission to boldly stroll around the Alpha galaxy and collect powerups! And maybe find some bugs too..
<D.L Bradley> Awesome, but wait a minute, you said there was 3 bad news, what is the last bad news?
<Johnson> Oh, well, the third bad news is that since your precursor fleet got destroyed, you are no longer eligible to the rank of Admiral, I am sorry, Captain.
<Johnson> Ah, cheer up Captain, I have some more good news actually. We just built a single man scout ship and a brand new colony ship so we can colonize Mars or something.
<Captain Bradley> That's a great Idea! Let's go colonize mars or something.
<Johnson> Hey just look at that Captain, it seems Alpha Mars is quite different than regular Mars. It is a lush and swampy planet full of life. And wait, OMG, our scanners detect the presence of a Precursor Ship Buried under the ice at the polar cap!
<Captain Bradley> w00t!!! A brand new precursor ship!! Looks like it is our lucky day!!
<Johnson> Please just be aware captain that melting the polar caps will have unfortun...
*Captain Bradley pushes the Red Button*
ZzzzzAP!!! *A Brand new ship appears*
<Captain Bradley> Hey isn't it pretty Johnson? A brand new murderous battle station at my disposal. Lets send it in a random direction to kill whatever gets in its path.
<Johnson> Oh well...
<Johnson> Hey captain, it appears this Alpha universe is full of interesting space debris. For instance just look at this crate floating here, lets take a look a it.
*Johnson opens the crate*
<Captain Bradley> Oh my god Johnson, is that what I think It is?
<Johnson> C...C... Captain, I can't believe it. I think It is. The legendary lost item.
<Captain Bradley> Fascinating! According to the myth this item was lost or destroyed millennia ago. Yet now it is right there!!!
<Johnson> Indeed Captain! This is remarkable, we have it. WE HAVE THE LEGENDARY ULTRON!!!!!
<Guards around the corner>
*Johnson begins to dance around with the Ultron* We have the Ultron!! We have the Ultron!!!
<Captain Bradley> Now Johnson!! Be careful with that thing!
*Johnson trips into computer cables *
*Ultron Flies across the room*
<Captain Bradley> NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! Johnson!! You Blasphemous fool!! You broke the ULTRON!!!
<Johnson>Ad... Ad.. admiral, I mean captain, I... I am... I don't know, what. I don't understand, I am..
<Captain Bradley> NO YOU ARE NOT!!! I AM DONE WITH YOU CLUMSY FOOL!! GUARDS!! ESCORT MR.JOHNSON OUT OF THE SPACESHIP, SANS LE SUIT!!!
<Johnson> But Captain!! Please!! Don't! Im sorry!! No!! NO!! NOOOOOOoooooooo........
*Screams fade as the Guards drag Johnson away*
<Captain Bradley> Good riddance, should have ejected him already back when he got us into the wrong wormhole 16 years ago. Gotta find a new assistant now.
*Private Melnorme enters the room*
<Melnorme> Hello Captain! I am private Melnorme. I am currently employed at washing the dishes at the ship's Snack Bar. I just took a look at job openings on the website and saw you are in need of a capable assistant. May I propose my services?
<Captain Bradley> Uhh.. And what makes you think you have the qualifications for this job?
<Melnorme> For one thing, Captain, I will always agree with every single one of your decisions. I am also far less retarded than that idiot Johnson, and you might be pleased to know that I have never dropped a single Ultron during my entire Career.
<Captain Bradley> Wonderful! I like you already. You will do perfectly. Welcome aboard Subordinate Melnorme.
<Melnorme> Thank you Captain. Btw Captain, is this ensign Johnson I see out there by the window?
<Captain Bradley> Yeah that looks like him, albeit a bit... Inflated.
*Ensign Johnson bumps into the window and leaves a smear.
<Captain Bradley> Ewww.
*Bradley activates Whippers*
<Captain Bradley> Let's get out of here before he gets sucked back into the ship by the anomaly tractor beam.
*U.S.S BugFinder shifts into Hyperdrive*
<Melnorme> Captain, Our sensors just detected a new anomaly but we are unable to determine it's exact nature as it is encased inside a Galactic Dust cloud. What should be our course of action, Captain?
<Captain Bradley> Don't just stare at me like that! Put the pedal to the metal so we can see what it is ASAP, maybe it's another ULTRON!
<Melnorme> Of course Captain.
<Melnorme> Well, Captain. It appears this new anomaly is a wormhole. And a pretty large one at that!
<Captain Bradley> Oh Crap!! Not a wormhole! I HATE WORMHOLES!!! Quick, reverse thrusters and get us out of here!
<Melnorme> It's too late Captain, its gravity is too strong, it's pulling us in and we do not have enough power to counter it!
<Captain Bradley> YOU GOTTA BE KIDDING!! NOT AGAIN!! PLEASE NOT YET ANOTHER NEW DIMENSION!!
<Melnorme> Captain! Get your Safety belt on! This is going to be a rough ride, we are going in NOW!!
<Captain Bradley>AAaaargh!! Can't... Reach... IT... Gravity.. too strong... Stretching my Face. Must.. grab... Something...
*Guard flies across the room*
*Ship hull groans under tremendous pressure*
*Lightning flashes against ship windshield*
*Loud suction noise* sssSSSSSSSSSSSHHHHHH POP!!!
End of the first Episode.
Stay tuned for the next episode and find out what happened to the crew! Did they all die horribly? Did they travel to a new dimension full of riches? You will find out soon enough!